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Poof Penguins Gay March to Extinction E-mail
Written by Chris Garrett, The Spoof   
 
on Jul 2, 2008, 07:59 AM E.S.T.

A disturbing report out this week states that the world's penguin population is in dramatic decline with more than a fifth of their species facing extinction - and the reason given is down to a marked increase in homosexual and lesbian behaviour amongst the birds.

"They simply aren't breeding," says zoologist and gay animal expert, Petter Bockman. "Sixty years ago, one in ten pairs were gay. Today, it's closer to one in four. Their global population has fallen by over half during the last 100 years and now stands at less than 10 million."

The report explains that three penguin species, the Humboldt, Fiordland Crested and the Yellow-eyed are most at risk, as their extreme gender-bender behaviour has reduced populations by up to two-thirds.

The Humboldt, found mostly in Chile and Peru, have only 12,000 pairs left of which 1 in 2 are presently gay; The Fiordland Crested, from New Zealand, have just 3,000 pairs where again 1 in 2 are gay; and the worst example, the yellow-eyed, also native to New Zealand, have a mere 1,500 pairs, of which only 250 are heterosexual.

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Gore: Greenhouses to Be Banned! E-mail
Written by The Spoof, Clifford Rutley   
 
on Jun 4, 2008, 10:23 AM E.S.T.

Al Gore has started pushing his next wacky vision in order to combat his none existent global warming. He has started to call for all greenhouses to be banned.

Many greenhouses are injected with extra CO2 in order to make the plants within them grow quicker and produce more luscious crops.

'Some of the greenhouse owners pump up to 1500 parts per million of CO2 into their greenhouses,' Gore yelled, as he stamped his feet on the ground like a spoilt brat. 'We can't have this, it may give the impression, to some people, that plants actually like CO2 and it isn't, after all, the deadly poison that we try to make on that it is.'

Bey Tech, the world's number one producer of greenhouse CO2 generators and black box burners told us that most plants evolved when the planet had much more CO2 in its atmosphere than it has today, that is why they grow better when you introduce more CO2 into your greenhouse.

'Gore and his anti CO2 plebs are just closet commie nutters,' Bey Tech's managing director told us. 'They're just looking for a way to take everyone back to the Stone Age, they should be strung up and quartered for what they are doing. We need more CO2 to grow more crops and help the world's starving millions.'

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.   Source

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Thirty Things I’d Like Blamed For Global Warming E-mail
Written by House of Eratosthenes   
 
on May 29, 2008, 12:15 PM E.S.T.

Global Warming“Correlation is not causation!” say the science types. The meaning of this timeless refrain is clear: Just because you find two metrics correlate, throughout space or time, does not necessarily mean one metric is a causative agent of the other. Science cannot be useful to us if it doesn’t measure reality, and part of reality is the coincidence. Scientists must therefore be prepared for the eventuality in which they invest treasure and ego into investigating causation, and ultimately find out it just isn’t there.

Reverend Al seems to have missed this. If you’ve watched his movie, you know an important part of his theory is that two curved lines happen to match up. He regales us with a story about one of his former classmates accidentally discovering the theory of continental drift with his observation that the eastern shoreline of South America is shaped very much like the western shoreline of Africa. Then he looks at the correlation between CO2 saturation and something called the mean global temperature or some such. And wonders aloud: Huh. I wonder if we have the same thing happening here?

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Budget airline's light-as-air plane cuts CO2 output E-mail
Written by TheSpoof.com   
 
on May 16, 2008, 04:50 PM E.S.T.

This is the passenger plane experts say could help the aviation industry become green.

Developed by little known UK based budget airline EasyFly, it could cut carbon emissions by 25 per cent thanks to its construction from lighter materials such as compacted cardboard.

A model of the plane goes on display at the Science Museum today as part of a new exhibition focusing on the environmental impact of air travel.

EasyFly says a full-size version could take to the skies by 2016. The firm is discussing the project with Boeing, Airbus and Rolls-Royce.

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Speaking Out: Global warming guilt finally gets to me E-mail
Written by David Shorr, Columbia Business Times   
 
on Apr 18, 2008, 05:14 PM E.S.T.

I recently had major heart surgery. I now have more bypasses than the St. Louis metropolitan area. It is one of those experiences that makes you reflect back on your life and question the direction you are going in the future.

Several weeks after my surgery, my physician sat me down and asked, "Mr. Shorr, do you know what caused your heart disease?" I immediately replied, "Of course, global warming!"

After watching hours and hours of television during my recovery, I can honestly tell you that global warming is the cause of every malady on this earth. It causes the rain to fall or droughts to happen. It causes tornadoes and hurricanes. It causes elephants to stampede. It causes children to watch "Spongebob Squarepants" and reruns of "M-A-S-H."

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Global Warming: Boo, Hiss E-mail
Written by Gene Weingarten, Washington Post   
 
on Mar 30, 2008, 06:06 PM E.S.T.


choke me
THE LIBERAL MEDIA is often accused of exaggerating the effects of global warning in order to advance our own selfish, narrow-minded agenda of limiting the growth of big business, restricting free enterprise, saving the planet, etc.
 
And yet, we journalists have a duty to the truth. And so it is at the risk of being unfairly attacked once again that I feel I must call your attention to a recent news story in USA Today. I'm quoting it verbatim:
 
"As climate change warms the nation, giant Burmese pythons could colonize one-third of the USA, from San Francisco across the Southwest, Texas and the South and up north along the Virginia coast, according to U.S. Geological Survey maps released Wednesday. The pythons can be 20 feet long and 250 pounds. They are highly adaptable to new environments."  

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Sci-Fi Classic Goes Green: Klaatu Returns to Warn Us About Global Warming E-mail
Written by Noel Sheppard, newsbusters.org   
 
on Mar 24, 2008, 12:34 PM E.S.T.


Hollywood is about to release a remake of the science fiction classic "The Day the Earth Stood Still."

This time, rather than coming to earth to warn us about our dangerous foray into the nuclear age, Klaatu and Gort have returned to caution us about -- wait for it -- global warming!

Honestly, you can't possibly make this stuff up!

As marvelously reported Friday by Vic Holtreman of Screen Rant (his delicious picture to the right, emphasis added): 


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