A disturbing report out this week states that the world's penguin population is in dramatic decline with more than a fifth of their species facing extinction - and the reason given is down to a marked increase in homosexual and lesbian behaviour amongst the birds.

"They simply aren't breeding," says zoologist and gay animal expert, Petter Bockman. "Sixty years ago, one in ten pairs were gay. Today, it's closer to one in four. Their global population has fallen by over half during the last 100 years and now stands at less than 10 million."

The report explains that three penguin species, the Humboldt, Fiordland Crested and the Yellow-eyed are most at risk, as their extreme gender-bender behaviour has reduced populations by up to two-thirds.

The Humboldt, found mostly in Chile and Peru, have only 12,000 pairs left of which 1 in 2 are presently gay; The Fiordland Crested, from New Zealand, have just 3,000 pairs where again 1 in 2 are gay; and the worst example, the yellow-eyed, also native to New Zealand, have a mere 1,500 pairs, of which only 250 are heterosexual.

"Nature is experiencing a crisis of sexuality," continued Bockman. "There are at least 2,000 different animal species where homosexual and lesbian behaviour is increasing at an alarming rate."

Flamingos are one example, where gay behaviour is almost the norm. One homosexual couple, named Carlos and Fernando, became famous last year after successfully fostering an abandoned chick at the Wildfowl & Wetlands Trust in Gloucestershire.

"Flamingos are the most renown arse-bandits in the animal kingdom," explained animal psychologist, Dr Graham Woods. "That is why pink is the adopted colour for homosexuals."

Gay male Flamingos have sexually evolved where they can feed a chick, without any female help, by producing milk in their throat. "Gay couples can be excellent parents and are loyal partners," continued Dr Woods. "Carlos and Fernando have been a pair for over eight years."

Scientists are stumped as to why nature is going gay, but Al Gore recently stated that global warming is to blame.

His view is backed up by evidence that not all penguins are experiencing the gender bender factor. Phil Trathan, of the British Antarctic Survey, explained, "In the South Arctic during the 1920s, there were 700 pairs of king penguins. Today, there are over 150,000." Adding, "The Southern Arctic is the one area of the world that is not being affected by global warming."

"It does seem that rising global temperatures are affecting certain animals' sexual proclivities," commented Dr Woods. "The warmer the temperature, the more gay they become."

But Gore critic, John Coleman, founder of the US Weather Channel and diarist of 'Gore Bore' laughed, "Gore believes everything can be blamed on global warming (GW). Only last week he condemned GW for causing his piles." (please read: 'Al Gore Blames Global Warming for His Piles.')

Petter Bockman concluded, "Certainly, nature is experiencing an alarming sexual crisis and many species may face extinction during the next 50 years. Humans are fast becoming the most heterosexual within the animal kingdom."  Source

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious. 

Average user rating