I just learned that I am exterminating the orangutans. Wiping them off the face of the earth.

That’s right folks, the butter substitute (Smart Balance) that I dearly love is made from palm oil and is such a great product and so healthy for humans that it is causing the conversion of jungle land to productive palm crop land.

Is that horrible or what? That land conversion is, according to the eco-freaks, going to exterminate the orangutans in 10 years.

So by 2018, these “gentle creatures” (blah blah blah), who “share so much of our DNA” (blah blah blah), are all going to die.

Once again I must choose between my lifestyle and the survival of the endangered species du jour.

So far this week, I am killing off the orangutans by eating my butter substitute, I am killing off the polar bears by driving my truck, thereby causing global warming, and I am killing off all the fish in the ocean.

That’s right, folks, I am also guilty of taking fish oil supplements. I am a veritable eco-disaster. The eco-chicken-littles have now decided that “mass medication with omega-3 will wipe out global fish stocks.” Baloney.

I cannot believe that anybody falls for this nonsense. The eco-freaks should learn that their habitual lying has completely destroyed their credibility. 

As for me, whenever I am faced with yet another of these “sky is falling” outcries, I like to take a trip down memory lane and laugh at the other global non-tragedies these idiots have embarrassed themselves with.

Fish example: The salmon are going extinct! Remember that one? They built fish ladders after failing to get permission to completely destroy dams.

They spent untold millions on studies and vilified everything human, from agriculture to fishing to logging to power generation. And it turned out that the salmon live in a long-known, predictable, (well recorded) 25-year cycle of Pacific Ocean currents tied to plankton and the accompanying availability of bait fish.

In 2002 (at the height of the plankton cycle), record numbers of the fish were present. So much for fish scares.

As for global warming, oops, climate change. It is such a bunch of nonsense that I could write about it (again) for weeks.

But instead, let me just remind you of the great eco scare of 1975: Global Cooling! That‘s right folks, we were all supposed to freeze by now.

Quote 1975: “There are ominous signs … Earth’s weather patterns have begun to change dramatically … a drastic decline in food production … quite soon, perhaps only 10 years from now. The evidence in support of these predictions has now begun to accumulate so massively that meteorologists are hard-pressed to keep up with it.”

The scare went on to call for stockpiling of food and a prediction of the end of society.

All nonsense. But we just forget all these things when the ecos trot out their latest scare. Society lives like a bunch of children who go to horror movies because they like the thrill of the silly scares. That may be OK for entertainment, but it is no way to direct our lives. Any of these eco claims that forecast a disaster thousands of years into the future (climate change) are worthless.

There are too many variables for any hope of accuracy in such predictions. Therefore, to try to manipulate society today, in ways that bring immediate harm, whether economical or societal, on the basis of such predictions is criminal negligence.

It is no wonder that the eco freaks are so involved in politics, they share a common bond with the politicians who also grossly exaggerate problems to try to motivate and manipulate us by fear.

By the way, exaggeration is just a fancy way of saying “lies.” A lie is a lie is a lie. And in my opinion, anything that has to be lied about to justify it is worthy of utter contempt, and the people who tell the lies should be ignored in disgrace. As for the orangutans, well, I mean them no harm and I am betting that all this extinction stuff will turn out to be another bunch of eco-hooey.

Either way, I must sign off for this week. It’s time for my breakfast and I’m going to have an extra helping of my delicious palm oil butter.

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