| on Jan 23, 2008, 12:00 AM E.S.T.
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Sunday morning broke bright and clear. There was not a cloud in
the sky, barely a breeze, and only 15 little degrees shivering in my
porch thermometer. Please, Al, turn up the heat! I don't know who else
to ask. After all, the former vice president has been honored all over
the world for having the most profound insight into the weather.
Last
week, for the first time in modern memory, there was snow in Baghdad. A
few days ago, NASA reported on the remarkable observation that more
than 60 percent of 48 contiguous states were covered with snow. From
Seattle to Bangor they were measuring the snowfall in feet instead of
inches. Schools in Middle Tennessee took snow days. Children cheered.
Parents wept. Please, Al, turn up the heat.
Air Force Snow Depth Analysis January 22nd. See how the Northern Hemisphere snowpack is well above normal here.
I have always
enjoyed Gulf Shores, AL, with its white-as-sugar beaches, flocks of
seabirds, leaping dolphins and Gulf breezes. Last weekend, the
residents couldn't see them through their frost-covered windows. The
low temperature was 27 degrees. I would hazard a guess that sunbathers
had no trouble finding a spot on the beach for their blankets. But
then, it is rather difficult getting a suntan when you're wearing a
hooded fur parka, long johns, mittens and felt boots. Mr. Gore, please!
There
cannot be a better job than that of weatherman. You can be wrong 95
percent of the time, and the check still clears. A friend of mine was
the contractor who built the weather station atop the Merchandise Mart
in Chicago. For years, that was the spot from which weather forecasts
were issued for Chicago and the Great Lakes. He told me why they were
usually wrong. There were no windows! If they could have looked out a
window, they would have known if it was rainy or sunny.
There
were at least five deaths attributed to the cold in Albuquerque last
Sunday. So much for global warming. Mr. Gore warns us that the penguins
and polar bears are all going to die. I have a suggestion for him. Send
them to Gulf Shores. There is plenty of water, no people on the
beaches, lots of food and freezing temperatures. They will never miss
their polar caps, and that suggestion could earn me a Noble Prize.
I
marvel at people who cannot tell us what the weather will be in 30
hours, but can predict, with absolute certainty, exactly what it will
be in 30 years. Imagine how far a sportscaster would get if he couldn't
predict who would win this year's Super Bowl. But, he knew, absolutely,
that the Knoxville Knuckle Heads would beat the Little Rock Lame Brains
in 2038. He would be promoted to weatherman.
I hate to break the
news to the Nobel Peace Prize winner, but there is an outside
possibility that there is a more powerful force in this universe than
puny mankind. We are told to alter our lifestyles, because of the edict
of this man. Any one of us could live very nicely on the money Mr. Gore
spends on public utilities. There must be advantages to being the High
Priest of Gaia. Mr. Gore, you own the thermostat. Turn up the heat! Source
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