News, Views, Vids Videos Al Gore: Weatherman | Al Gore: Weatherman |
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| Written by The Daily Bayonet | |||
| Tuesday, 16 September 2008 | |||
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Al's newest journal entry is all about a little something he likes to call the 'climate crisis'. You are familiar with this climate crisis, but you may not know it. A little while ago we used to call it 'the weather', but then Al discovered a way to make fools (and money) out of millions of people, and 'weather' became the 'climate crisis'. Not long ago the climate crisis was a global problem. Al said so in his disaster movie. But, now that the planet has decided not to follow the script and drown Manhattan before lunchtime, Al has to pick and choose his areas affected by the 'climate crisis'. This week Al discovered that it's warm out West, and has been for 5 years. Oh the humanity, five years of heat. Surely this is the evidence we have been waiting for, that Mother Earth is really crying out for help. Tucson is hot, we're all doomed. Just look at the evidence cited by Saint Al:
“Since 2000 we have seen $2.7 billion in crop loss claims due to
drought. Global warming is harming valuable commercial salmon
fisheries, reducing hunting activity and revenues, and threatening
shorter and less profitable seasons for ski resorts.”
According to Al, 50% of the problems caused by the climate crisis are entertainment related. Hunting and skiing may be affected by global warming. Now we know what Al's really worried about. As for the crop losses, well, dry happens sometimes. Henry Ford's Model-T's did not cause the dust bowl. As for the poor salmon... this is a fish that can climb mountain streams and adapt from fresh water to salt water and back again. You're telling me it can't handle a 2F degree change? The climate crisis is in crisis. Al's $100 million retirement plan for almost-Presidents has about run its course. Perhaps we can get on with some important stuff now, like feeding the planet? Only registered users can write comments!
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